“I threw a wish in the well. Don’t ask me, I’ll never tell, La la la la la la…Here’s my number, so call me, maybe?” My two kids were singing that at summer camp for weeks.
Well this year, things sure have changed.
This summer’s crop of potential hits are not so “PG.” In fact, you may hear your little 5-year-old blurt out, “What’s it mean to ‘get lucky’?” at the dinner table. This list is a public service to all parents. These ten catchy songs are on track to be 2013′s biggest hits of the summer. They all have great beats and they will make you want to dance around your living room like a crazy person, but they also have tons of “kid inappropriate” lyrics and sexual innuendos. You’ll want to turn them down when your children are in the car seats behind you. And grab that iPhone out of your tween’s hands when you hear “I’m a 90′s bitch!” blaring from the headphones.
In no particular inappropriate order…
My friend told me that every time this song comes on, her 6-year-old says she can’t wait to “stay up all night to get lucky.” Thank goodness she thinks “lucky” equals waiting for Santa to bring lots of toys and goodies. The chorus of this song is so catchy, you will have to muzzle yourself from singing “up all night to get lucky” as you’re wheeling around your grocery cart or waiting in line at the DMV.
Robin Thicke knows a lot. First, he knows you want it. In fact, he says “I know you want it” about 20 times in this sexy song. He also knows “you must wanna get nasty” too. Oh Robin, what would your father think?
I know these girls are preaching girl power, but this lovely little diddy features the lines “I drove my car into a bridge and let it burn” and “You’re from the 70′s and I’m a 90′s bitch.”
What’s a “crazy kid?” They’re “dancing on the dance floor or drinking by the bar” according to Ke$ha. They also “Don’t give a you-know-what.” Be sure you’re listening to the radio edit when this one’s playing.
This one seems tame at first listen, but then I realized she’s saying “Boy wanna feel ya, in every way. We rocking body to body, let’s go insane.” Jennifer’s a mom of twins, but she still wants to “give you a hard night, so tight, ready to blow.” I’m blushing.
There are SO MANY inappropriate lines in this pop song from Miley who used to be that Hannah Montana cutie on Disney Channel. Remember that? Now she’s saying things like “red cups and sweaty bodies everywhere” and “shaking it like we at a strip club” and “everyone in line in the bathroom trying to get a line in the bathroom.” Seriously, why CAN’T you just STOP, Miley?
Speaking of Disney stars, here’s Selena Gomez telling you?/me?/your preteen son? “If you’re ready, come and get it. Na na na na. Na na na na.” I mean, it’s the theme song for a show called Mistresses. Unfortunately it’s also one of the catchiest tunes of the summer. Na na na naaaaa.
Oh, and Selena also has this brand new single where she wants to “slow down the song” because she wants to “feel your body right next to mine all night long.” She even says ” you know I’m ready for it.” And then your kids say, “Ready for what, Mom?” Yep. Thanks, Selena.
You can always count on Avril to be pissed off at something. In this song, she’s mad at the aging process. “They say just grow up but they don’t know us. We don’t give a f**k and we’re never gonna change” Hey, maybe foul alternative lyrics are the new fountain of youth?
WARNING WARNING WARNING. This song (and video) is so awful and inappropriate that I’m horrified my cutie Bruno Mars agreed to sing on it. Plus, it’s a major “Baby Got Back” knock-off. Show Sir Mix-a-Lot some respect, people.
Just 10 more reasons why I love Taylor Swift.